Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
