I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
