She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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