Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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