I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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