she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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