You're my little dorito
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
