No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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