OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
