Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
