oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
