I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
