My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
