so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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