There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
