you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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