sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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