Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
