im drinking this country out of the recession.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
