just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
