sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
