So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
