Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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