let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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