Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
