very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just invented taco cereal.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
