how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
