is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
