i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
