dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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