this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
