Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
