I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
