He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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