Hey man sorry I got all grabby
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
