You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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