Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
