i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
