You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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