i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
