We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
