There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
