I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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