protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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