I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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