I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
