Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
