I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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