Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
