I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
