I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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