I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
