batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
