She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
