heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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