me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am spending my child support on dildos
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
