okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
